So I guess this is not entirely weight related but I still feel it is important for us all to bring to light and out into the open, self esteem and bullying had been the topic of the week around here. This is such a loaded topic that I am finding it a little hard to gather my thoughts but here it goes.
I grew up with amazing parents who always make it known to me that I could be and do whatever I worked towards. I loved myself and believed in myself and for the majority of my life, I have had good self esteem. Of course there is the almost always typical self doubt and emotional roller coasters that come in high school, but I’ve always had great friends and family around me who never once made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of love. Sometimes throughout my life I have felt that some people were almost shocked that I didn’t hate myself for being overweight, that it was beyond their comprehension that maybe, just maybe, there was a fat girl who didn’t hate herself for it.
Although I have never been completely uncomfortable with myself, in the most recent years I have been a little more self concious about my body. Of course, in the past years I also also gained the most weight, worked the most at unsuccessfully losing said weight (which totally messes with your psyche) and of course, I also had two children, which also totally messes with your body. Recently I have noticed that I am really starting to love myself again (even though I didn’t realize how much I had really had started to dislike myself) I have wanted to shop for clothes again and it’s exciting that I can buy sizes that are so much smaller than before, and wearing “back of the closet” clothes again; I feel confidant again and that I deserve to feel this way. And all of this combined with a video about bullying that my 3 year old watched with me, has lead me to small moments of teaching with her.
From my own upbringing I know that telling your children they are good and worthy will teach them as such, but in this day and age bullies are so prevalent that I think we, as parents, need to make more of an effort to teach them kindness and self worth from a much younger age. Rowyn and I have talked a lot about how everyone is different and that’s what makes us each special, and that we are kind to everyone even if they are not always kind to us and that sometimes people are not kind to others because they don’t love themselves as much as they should. I realize that to a lot of people this seems like a heavy topic for a three year old, but anyone who knows us, knows that she is super sensitive and wise beyond her years and my years teaching preschool has helped me relate things in a fashion she can easily understand. She knows that “Mommy loves Daddy, Rowyn and Grayson but Mommy also loves Mommy too” and she came back with “Right! and Rowyn loves Mommy, Daddy, Grayson and Rowyn!” It makes me so happy that I am in a position in my life that I truly do love myself again and that, not only can I talk to her about good self esteem but I can also lead by example. It’s so so so important to me that she knows how amazing she is and everyday we tell her that she is smart, kind, beautiful, caring and that we love her so much always.
This rediscovered self esteem is not all weight related either. I am focused on my health, inside and out, and focused on changing how we all live as a family. We are living a life full of fresh REAL food, organic and green products, less wheat and dairy (and none at all for G!) and a life of activity and adventures 🙂 Self esteem is not exclusively linked to weight, but for me, it’s about feeling proud that I am finally treating myself, my body and my family how we all deserve to be treated. So yes, I love myself today, and I deserve it.