When I started this blog I was on a mission to be skinny, now I am on a mission to be as fit and healthy as I can be! This journey is always changing:)

Archive for April, 2013

My Inner Ninja

So last week, I was having a few bad-ish days with a lot going on, but Monday I was giving myself a pep talk on the way to Spin class and “Inner Ninja” (by a band out of Halifax, Classified ft, David Myles who’s from Fredericton!)  came on the radio. I’ve heard this song a hundred times on the radio and would always  sing along because I loved the music and the beat, but that day I actually heard the lyrics in a context that was like it was made for me at that exact moment. Don’t ya love when music does that!?  It hit me so hard that  there were tears streaming down my face and I was all “HELL yes, I’ve got this!!” and completely jazzed up by the time I got to class.

I’m going to outline what this  song means to ME. I know it’s not the “actual” meaning of the song, but that’s the beauty of music, it speaks to you 🙂

You’re a ninja?
Get out of here you’re a ninja!
Yes I am a ninja.

{Chorus 1}
I read the rules before I broke ‘em
I broke the chains before they choked me out  I finally am on a mission to lose this weight before it does irreversible damage to my body

And I pay close attention

When I learn the code

I learn to read the map before I hit the road  I’ve learned to map out my week, when I am working out, what I am doing there and what I will be eating for the week.

{Verse 1}
Hey yo I know you never heard this before
But I’d rather lose a fight then miss the war There are times when  I have and will lose battles with food, it’s what happens with any addiction, but I will win this weight loss war
And I ain’t wishing competition or fishing for it
I’m just living in a system conditions are poor

I’ve been lost in the rhythm and miss informed
To many late nights hitting the liquor convenience store
To many bad decisions, half assed attempts
No sweat, no fear, no blood, no tears  I’ve trudged through many half assed attempts at weight loss, some of them I even had myself convinced I was in it to win it, but never life this time. This time IS the LAST time.  And there is lots of sweat, overcoming fears, plenty of tears and the occasional spot of blood and ice packs 🙂

I go hard
And I ain’t makin’ up no excuse  I was the queen of excuses because I get migraines, have bad knees, ankles, and wrist. I could manage to talk myself out of any workout for any and every reason. Now I wrap myself up, sometimes I go to class with both knees, one ankle and  one wrist wrapped, but I’m there and I go hard!
I’m only do I don’t do what I’m supposed to do
Cause if you think about it man were supposed to lose (the weight)

It ain’t all picture perfect don’t confuse  If you come out of the gym looking the same way you went in, you’re doing it wrong J
Nope, I was a first class rookie I was new to it all, but now I’ll give anything a try at least once.
Taken out badies in my all black hoodie.
Man and mystery you now the history
Get it or forget it cause poof I’m outta here

{Chorus 1}

{Chorus 2}
Nobody’s going to see me coming
Nobody’s going to hear a sound
No matter how hard they tryin’
No stoppin’ me since I found

My inner ninja x4 No stopping me is right! I truly have found my inner ninja!

{Verse 2}
Hey yo I’ve been high and I’ve been real low
I’ve been beaten and broken but I heal though
So many ups and down
Ruffed up and clown
We all got problems but we deal oh  I think in the context of how I chose to read the song, this is fairly self explanatory.  I have plenty of ups and downs, we all do, but I deal with them and move on. Shit happens, deal with it and move on.

I’m trying to do better now
Find my inner peace
Learn my art form and find my inner chi It really does take a lot of time, practice, and reminding yourself to face things, acknowledge them, and move on.
When my backs on the wall I don’t freeze up
No I find my inner strength and I rear up When things or people are trying to get me down, I’ve finally gotten to a place where instead of resorting to food, I’ll dig down deep and work it out at the gym.

Here we go
I know I’ve never been the smartest or wisest but I realize what it takes
Never dwell in the dark cause the sun always rises
But I gotta make it to the next day  Again, pretty self explanatory in this context, but I dig down and  remind myself that once I go to bed, the next day is a new day. I no longer will dwell on the fact I slipped up yesterday because once the sun rises it’s a new day. Don’t look bad at your mistakes, but ahead to your achievements.

It’s a feeling that you get in your lungs when you run
But you running out of the air and your breath won’t come
And you (Breaths in and out heavily) wheezing gotta keep a movin’
Fined an extra unh and push your way through it  This is a spin class reference to me lol Because sometimes I’m almost sure I cannot go any harder and it’s usually that moment when I’ll get a well needed, friendly push from a friend, she knows who she is J, and I’ll push myself harder and remind myself I CAN push myself through it, and damn it will be worth it.

{Verse 3}
I’ve had bad habits but I dropped ‘em, I dropped ‘em  Sure have J
I’ve had opponents but I knocked them out My subconscious is my only real opponent, and yup, sometimes she needs to be knocked out.
I climbed the highest mountains  I’m sure we’ve climbed them in RPM
I swam the coldest seas
There ain’t nothing I’ve faced that’s been to much for me I’ve been faced with a lot in my almost 30 years, and I have overcome them all…and I will add this battle to that list.

{Chorus 2}
Nobody going to see me coming
Nobody’s going to hear a sound
No matter how hard they tryin’
Nobody’s going to bring me down Nobody will define this journey for me.

Man that was dope
You think
What are you like a, a third degree black belt
Actually I’m not even in karate
But I’ve found
My inner ninja 

That is my personal interpretation of the song so I mean no disrespect to the artist as I know it’s not the “actual” meaning, but I find is SO empowering.  It is now my weight loss journey anthem and I BLARE it every day on the way to the gym and I give it my all once I get there. In fact, I am so empowered by this song and the meaning it now has to me, that I am strongly considering getting a tattoo of a pink ninja on a spin bike as my 100lb loss gift to myself lol, no seriously, I am. 🙂

Do you have a life anthem?


A few bad days…

I promise I am still here and have still got both feet on this path to health and fitness! I may have taken a few side roads in the past few week but my feet are still travelling in the right direction!  My husband left almost two weeks ago to return to his job in Alberta after being home with us since January, so that’s been yet another huge adjustment for us…again! While he was home I got so used to just going to the gym whenever I felt like it, that I forgot how restricted my schedule is when I have no choice but to take the kiddos with me! I got spoiled and lazy in my planning while he was home. When he’s gone I have to not only make a meal plan and a gym plan but I have to also decided what to cook each night according to how long it will take me, especially if I am going to a class at the gym around supper time! And I also need to take into account naps/cranky (er) times for my youngest who has horrible separation anxiety from me.

At the same time that The Hubs left I also embarked on a new nutrition plan that has left me feeling like I am scrambling all the time and never know what to cook. It’s not even a plan that’s overly complicated! The jist is that I can have “alternative/good” carbs once a day at either breakfast or supper, ie: sweet potato (which i’m not a huge fan of), quinoa, whole grain rice or wheat free bread. I guess I never realized how much I relied on things like pasta to make a meal “whole” before! But holy, I feel like I’m so stuck!  Ideally I would like to not have those carbs at supper so they aren’t digesting at night but I guess I grew up in a “meat,potato,veggie” family and like to see 3 piles of stuff on my plate and I’m finding it super difficult to break that habit. I miss the ease of pasta.

I guess overall lately I’m feeling like everything is out of control, and those who know me IRL, know I like to have control! lol My house is messy a total friggin disaster, my toddler is missing her Daddy and is acting out because she doesn’t know what else to do with her feelings, my baby is, well, he’s beyond adorable but is a handful lol and my meal plan isn’t done and neither is my gym plan. I also have a thousand other things running through my mind so I feel like I’m totally overwhelmed and spinning in circles! Ahhhhh!!! I know that when I don’t have control of the exterior things in my life, my weight loss and eating goes to hell and I’ve been fighting with my food demons for awhile now.  When I started this blog I vowed to be open and honest because I want anyone else out there on this journey to know that you’re not alone when you’re feeling like this, and with persistence and the will to get there, we will! Nothing worth having is easy to get or something like that 😀 So tomorrow I will make (because it’s not going to just appear!) the time (after spin class of course!) to scour Pinterest and the internet for low carb supper recipes and I WILL make my meal plan. I’ve got this under control…one thing at a time.




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