When I started this blog I was on a mission to be skinny, now I am on a mission to be as fit and healthy as I can be! This journey is always changing:)

Archive for July, 2013

A Skinny Mission No More!

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6 months ago, I sat at my laptop trying to come up with a name for this blog, and I am not overly creative at naming things, so this was a struggle for me. A struggle in which I now wish had a different outcome. 6 months ago I was focused on the numbers, I had 144lbs in total to lose, 50 down and 94 left to go, and I had 14 months allotted to do it in AKA, I had 14 months to get skinny.  ‘Skinny’ is never really what I meant at any point in this journey because that is something I will never be! My true goal has always been health, so I have no idea how, at the moment of naming, I got caught up on the ‘skinny’ of things.  Good thing I don’t regret naming my children!  

My hopes for myself and my family are for us all to be healthy, active, eating clean food and avoiding chemical filled artificial  products.  I want us to go biking and hiking together, I want to play tag and chase them around! I want to be able to go on carnival rides without fear that the straps won’t close, and go down slides with them without thinking I’ll break it!  I want to be a role model for them without having to verbally teach them about health, I just want to show them.

These are the things I want out of my journey, what about you?

The nightly list

 

     Last week won’t go down in the history books as the worst week, but it won’t go anywhere near the top of the list for good weeks either. I have discovered through much self reflection, that I use the excuse of my poor Hubby being home, as a chance to tip my toes (or even a whole leg or two) off the wagon and he doesn’t deserve that, and neither do I.  I, at some point, am going to have to function normally on “plan” 100% of the time, no matter where I am or who is around. I am the only one responsible for what goes in my mouth and what doesn’t.  

  I am quite hard on myself when I binge on things that I know, even before I eat them, are going to make me regret them and I will dwell on it all week. So this week I’ve decided to extract the good out of each day and celebrate those at the end of the night by writing a list of all the Non-Scale Victories (NSV’s) that I’ve had that day. It’s part of training myself that it’s not about the numbers, not the number on the scale nor my +/- for the week, but it’s about how I feel and how I’m going to make this forever. I am also learning to accept that not everyday it going to be perfect, hell most won’t because what’s perfect anyway? but I also need to train myself to accept the small imperfections about my day, deal with them in the moment, and move on from them the same day. I cannot carry into tomorrow what happened today. So with that, my NSV page of celebrations also has a section titled “Acknowledge, Accept and Shelve it.” I thought about saying “forget it” , but I can’t necessarily forget it because I need to use those slips as learning tools for the future, but I also cannot dwell on them. So, nightly I will acknowledge then accept those imperfections, pack them up in a night little mental box and tuck them away.  

  I’m excited about this, as I’ve always been one to learn more by writing it out. I like being able to see on paper what I can be proud of and what I need to work on. This is going to be great 🙂

*sigh* If only it were that easy!

ImageThe above photo was posted on a weight loss group that I follow, I’m sure some of you will find it amusing, however I didn’t.  I actually found this photo hurtful and yet another way for society to perpetuate a stereotype about overweight people. I’m not denying that obviously I got overweight from overeating, under normal circumstances that is how most of us got here. However, we didn’t do it for fun, we didn’t do it on purpose, we didn’t set out to overeat so telling us to just stop eating, like we don’t already tell ourselves that everyday, is hurtful, and it makes you look like a jerk.  Saying helpful  hurtful   condescending things like, “Just don’t eat as much as other people”, “Don’t you just feel gross when you eat that much?” , “It’s not rocket science, just don’t eat!” is in fact, not helpful and can often actually cause more eating. 

 You see, I know in this case that I only speak for myself, but watch any weight loss show and you’ll see a similar story, I eat when I am stressed and sad, and not healthy things either. I cannot tell you why I do this or when I realized it was happening, but it did and it does. I feel worthless and say things to myself that I would never in a thousand years ever utter to another living soul. I am working on all of this and with every pound I release and with every non scale victory I have over food, I get better at this journey and my relationship with food improves.

Unfortunately for fat people everywhere, we need food to live and it’s on every street corner so the temptations of food will never be forgotten. So with every stressful siltation that comes my way that I don’t binge on food, or every time I pass my usual store for junk without going in, I am successful.  Someday these temptations will occur less and less, and I will have defeated my food demons, but this is a daily battle that will never truly go away. With every pound I lose, that is one more situation I have power over. I know they all mean well and are trying to help but no, just telling us not to eat will not fix anyone’s obesity. Be kind, be understanding, try not to perpetuate stereotypes and make us feel worse. Try to see it from our point of view and the struggle that each pound put on represents and the victory that each pound released also stands for. 

 ❤

Weigh in #2 & Fat Flush water!

  So this weekend was not pretty, not even a little bit. It was so hot that I was one miserable bitch,(and that’s putting it nicely lol) We were all hot and cranky, R acts just like me in the heat so she was whiny and miserable and G was clingy which made us both even more hot. Friday I binged on pizza because I made no supper prep in the morning when it was still cool, but on the plus side I left the left overs out on the counter so I would not eat them for Saturday breakfast (that’s gotta count for something!) and Sunday I was still in utter crank mode and R was feeling left out and needed some Mommy time, so her and I headed to the theatre where I consumed some amazing theatre nachos (no pop or popcorn though!) On Monday so body hated me for the weekend I had put it through and I regretted almost everything I put in my mouth. However it was Monday, so I mentally boxed up those feelings of guilt and said “you stay in here, I’m moving on” so upwards and onwards I went!

 Also on Monday someone on another forum I follow posted a recipe for a “Fat Flush Water”‘ so of course that caught my eye. I typically don’t like when things like that use buzz words to suck all us fatties in but it actually did sound yummy and I thought, if nothing else I’d be getting my water in for the day! 

 FAT FLUSH WATER! 
1 grapefruit, sliced, (I used lemon b/c the grapefruit was naaaasty IMO)
1 tangerine, sliced,
1/2 cucumber, sliced
20 peppermint leaves (I used about a quarter of this lol)
as much ice as you want, wash and rinse everything, combine in large pitcher, letting it sit overnight makes it taste better, should make 1 gallons worth of water

   And here is the youtube link where she explains some of the supposed benefits of each ingredient! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8JcfpiuXys 

I drank 4.5L of this stuff on Tuesday and dropped 2 pounds! I realise this was probably just as much from the water intake but not complaining because it was tasty! Anyway you should all give it a try because it was mighty yummy and sure can’t hurt to up your water intake! According to Mr.Handsome Face Chris Powell you should divide your body weight in half and drink that much water in ounces daily, ie: 200lb person would drink 100oz of water/day.  I have never had to pee so much in my entire life! At one point it was as bad as waiting for a pregnancy ultrasound (mom’s will understand this pain!) and I had to pee twice while holding a sleeping 17 month old. Regardless of the peeing every hour, I know once my body adjusts to this much water consumption it will be better and I already feel so much better because of it 🙂

   In other news today was my second weigh in with Simply for Life and, because of the weekend, I wasn’t expecting anything major on the scale. Low and behold I hop on there and BAM down 6.8lbs for the week!! Say what?! Shocked was an understatement! That means that since I started on July 1 I am down an insane total of 14.2 pounds! That puts me back into the range of a 60lb total weight lost again! yay!! (I can’t say for sure because he won’t tell me my weight, but that’s a whole other topic!) While I realize a lot of the loss if probably water retention being let go, and my body re-adjusting to weight loss, I haven’t seen numbers like that since Christmas and I am one happy Mama! 

 These past couple weeks have shown me that every day doesn’t have to be perfect but you have to try, and small changes are better than no changes! 🙂

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Phase 2: Food as Fuel

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I know I’ve been quiet and absent but I have not forgotten you or the promises I made at the beginning of this journey to be open and honest. I’ve been struggling a lot with food in the past months, and have only pounds gained to show for it (no real shocker there!) However I am not letting that be an excuse but a lesson in growth on this journey to better health and quality of life for myself and my family. This small slide back down the hill has make me realize that I am not in a place yet where I can healthily manage my addiction with food by myself. Lots of addicts cannot get clean on their own, and I guess my addiction to food is no different, I need help. I needed someone who not only understands the mass amounts of information out there on food and nutrition, but someone who understands the day to day struggles and can understand it’s not about “well, just don’t eat it then!” I’m in this for life, and sometimes one needs to admit that they are not able to fully help themselves.  

   So with all that said, I joined Simply For Life a little less than 2 weeks ago and I am a happy Mama! The meal plan so far is simple and not hard to prepare ahead of time, which is key in my life! On Saturday I spent a large portion of the day cooking and packaging up salads, pasta and rice salads, chicken breast, almonds and writing out my plan of attack for the week, but I’ve had to put very little thought into it since then! I’m finding it super easy to follow and honestly, it doesn’t feel all that much like effort.

    I’ve decided that this portion on my journey will be focused on using food as fuel for my body and not fuel for my emotions or “happiness”. So in Phase 2: Food as Fuel I will enjoy the feelings of health, and not feelings of guilt from eating fast food in my van because I was stressed.  I will enjoy smart sized portions of “treats” that have been planned into my day, and not feelings of self loathing for binging on an entire large bag of chips. I will enjoy food as it’s meant to be, and not as marketing has made it out to be. I will enjoy all that the Earth has to offer me and will thank Her for allowing me to be a part of it. 

 I will enjoy me…because I’ve totally got this 🙂

 

   

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