When I started this blog I was on a mission to be skinny, now I am on a mission to be as fit and healthy as I can be! This journey is always changing:)

Archive for September, 2013

Struggles and Empowerment

 So it’s no secret that I’ve been struggling for months now and gained a fair bit of weight back between February and July (I don’t even know how much to be honest.) In July I joined Simply For Life and absolutely love it but I still find myself struggling. SFL believes that (with research to back it up) that you can burn more fat by burning calories by walking a few times a day rather than killing it at the gym for an hour. The reason being (r my understanding of it) that when you burn those calories at a slower pace your body doesn’t need to be replenished with extra food whereas when you burn the same amount of calories in an hour, your body needs something back.  I understand the concept and the research behind this and it makes perfect sense however I was going to zumba and a spin class twice a week each and loved them! When I was told to stop going and start walking I struggled with the idea but was game for trying anything new.

 I started walking and realized I could burn 4-500 calories in an hour by walking (and pushing 70lbs of children in a stroller) so I gave it a try! My problem was, I hate walking! Ok, I don’t hate walking, it’s nice and I found a stunning trail by the river which is right by my house, but I hate walking for exercise.   I tried and tried to wrap my head around the fact I was burning calories and should be losing weight, but I wasn’t because I was still struggling with food.

 I missed spin and quiet honestly, I felt lost without going so I spent a few days of really reflecting on why I enjoying it so much since I could, essentially,  burn the same amount of calories walking.  I realized I missed everything about spin class! I missed the rush of being on the bike and the glow I felt after. I missed the feeling of accomplishment, I missed the comradery in the classes, I missed the amazing instructors who knew what you were capable of and pushed you to get there! But most of all, I realized I missed that I felt empowered on that bike.  Nine time out of ten, I am the largest person in that room, but it doesn’t seem to matter to me or anyone else! I got to a point where I got over my fear of being the fat girl in spandex, and actually stopped wearing pants OVER my spin shorts, and that, as someone who has always been overweight, and always feels like people are looking and judging you, that’s empowering.  

  Another large part of what I miss about spinning is the frustration you can get out on that bike.  Since I’ve stopped going, I’ve felt more on edge, frustrated and angry and no one wants to feel like that. My hubby works away for 14 days at a time and being here with the kids with no one around to help or offer any form of relief, I get frustrated and then feel like a helpless and horrible parent which only leads to binge eating. That wasn’t happening when I was spinning and I realized it’s because that was my outlet for all of that! My one hour where I’m just me, alone, and as much as I love my kids more than anything, that felt good.  Everything comes out on that bike and when I walk out I feel lighter and happier, and I know I can’t get that from walking. 

  I returned to spin yesterday and it was one of the best days I’ve had in awhile 🙂 I go to my SFL consult on Thursday and will be asking for some kind of compromise for all the above reasons that I need to return to spin class, even one day a week. And as for you, try a spin class! It’s not kind on the behind for the first few times, not gonna lie, but it’s so worth it (and a pair of padded bike shorts!) but it’s cheaper than therapy 🙂 


Spin Class, where this:



Turns into this:






Ever feel…

Fellow journey goers, ever feel like you’re not worth it any more? Like you’re never going to make it so you’re not sure what you’re even working at any more? My real brain knows this is dumb and all the reasons why I am worth it, but my fat girl is so loudly trying to tell me that she has no idea what she’s doing any more, or what she’s putting herself through this for. Fat girl brain really wants chips and anything else she can eat. Fat girl brain needs to piss off and real brain needs to be louder.

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